It has been a long journey, and I'm finally learning a few good lessons in life. One in particular has to do with anger, and how to deal with it. Whenever I got angry at home, the first thing that changes is the tone of my voice to my husband. I get mad and my tone just changes. Its either condescending or just plain sarcastic. And automatically the tone from the receiving end (husband) responds in the same way, and these could easily erupt into arguments or giving each other the "silent treatment" for a little bit (until the coast is clear).
What I've now learned is if there was something that I didnt like, I will just bite my tongue and let that moment pass, reminding myself that it is of no use to get mad over petty issues. Once that moment has passed, and I haven't uttered a negative word or tone, it is so refreshing to see that my husband doesnt even raise his voice back to me, all is well and it is so easy to live in harmony with your better half when you can avoid petty arguments at home.
I think being angry once in a while is good for the system and great for the relationship!
When I get angry, I do not talk to my hubby because I know me and my mouth - I will say something that will really be inappropriate - because when we get angry our intention is to lash out and hurt the person who has caused us to be angry!!!
When I have cooled down sufficiently, I call my hubby into our room, sit him down and tell him straight out that I do not like whatever it is that I am pissed off about! We thrash it out and make up!
Other times when I am just too angry - I wash the clothes or clean the house, throw everything outside, scrub, polish and clean - the poor brush always takes a beating lolz! (this takes the anger out of my system and cools my temper!)
My take has always been stern speaking the first time they do it and know that their actions will not be tolerated...Again when we are angry, we should always take some time to cool down before we actually sit the child down or discipline the child because if we try to discipline on top of our anger, we end up hurting the child physically.
Thank you for sharing that issue on anger and your transparency. Vicki & I been married for seven years. Sorry but to be honest in my background was somehow exposed to so called the blar blar blar from each side and no one would want to come down. Now that I have got my own family, With God's help We have agreed that we dont show our argument infront of our two boys, and at the receiving end my lips tightly closed whether its my fault or not. Then we discuss things over to share where we were coming from. if its over a petty issue, I would just tell her straight and move on.
Yes arguments are great, first it shows that your are normal, ha! another good thing about is that to direct you somehow with soem important issues.
I am blesssed with a Kiwi wife and through communication, we manage to share with each other our disagreements. With us Fijians, The notion of 'SILENCE' can sometimes be a negative thing because we have not been honest to share our opinion but to go with the flow and be bitter inside. in otherwords man pleasing rather tha God pleasing. yOu can some how bottle it up and will explode one day.
Definately, find a good time to discuss things over, WE some times have pillow talk, when the kids are asleep. Reflect on how we have come so far and how we would like to see our relationship archieve.
I ASK GOD to change my attitude towards my husband , my children or towards anyone it works with true humility . PRAY before I ADREESS ANY issue - it works . I PRAY that GOD help me to respond in a godly fashion if you will. I ASK GOD for patience to deal with dicey issues with my loved ones and this includes children . WHEN my CHILDREN get me angry I send them to their rooms until I am ready to talk to them . IT works . I make them understand and make them give an account to me for their actions .IF they refuse to take any resposibility - discipline measures are give n.
There are 4 monsters that we have to deal with the heart and we are not careful we are dealing with symtoms than the root cause of the problem.
Anger "He owes me"
Guilt " I owe you"
Jeoulosy " God owes me"
Greed " I owe myself"
The anger if not controlled you will pick on anybody and it doesnt preserve itself just for specific person. Hurting people will hurt other people and the worst stage of anger is that nothing will satisfy you. Everyone will stay away from you because they know you will be upset for anything even fresh air. The remedy for anger is to bring it to the light, you need to expose it by asking your friend if you have an anger problem? Most people carry anger because of the past failed relationship, ie divorce, child abuse, and many more.... ...... I will continue later, very busy! http://ravitaki.bailey411.hop.clickbank.net