Matavuvale Network

Fiji's Family Network

A CHEATING HEART.

Could You Tell When Someone Is Cheating?........... on You? your friend, your wife? your husband.?

How do you recognized a cheating heart?

What are the signs, that mannifests, when someone is cheating, on his or, her partner's?

Would you forgive? and try to mend relationship?......for the sake of the children?

Would you closed all doors of reconciliation?

Tell us why?

Cheating is painful, its a betrayal of a trust, of a love, of a promise, to the one you love & to those you care for.

Please tell us your story & experiences, & how you overcome those crisis?

Its Matavuvale helping the family.

Vinaka.

JT.

[se vakamacala ga mai vaka noda? God Bless.]

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Helen Chandra on August 27, 2010 at 12:35am

Bula Vinaka JT...trust you keepin well!! AWESOME THREAD my friend....

A healthy relationship is based on honesty, and trust that brings good things to the table!
Couples who love one another, experience joy in discovering new things about each other.
Both of you are willing to share your pasts, even if they were not exactly the best in the world.
A healthy relationship is maintained by values of trustworthiness, understanding, respect, caring, being kind, being helpful, appreciation, and being positive. You enjoy being with each other!

ON THE OTHER HAND, cheating in a relationship brings questions of why, feeling confused, doubt, rejection, abandonment, emptiness, anger, sadness, and feelings of betrayal.
You need to be well-informed, and prepared to deal with a cheating relationship! It won’t magically disappear!
You want to make the best decision whether to save it, or end it!.
Many people who decided to work on their cheating relationship, were able to make it better, and healthier.
While others decided to end it because they found out that it was in their best interest.
The decision will be entirely yours!

There are many complex reasons why a person cheats. Cheating doesn’t just start out of the blue, and most likely in the beginning of your relationship, that was not the intention of your cheating partner.
Unfortunately, when problems mount in it, people are more likely to cheat!
Take a good look at your present situation, and give thought to how it got that way, and you don’t have to feel confused. A partner will look on the other side of the fence, to see if the grass is greener, bottom line!

If you decided that you want your cheating relationship to work, understand that everything becomes re-defined, every nook and cranny has to be examined! You have to look at every aspect of it to see why it wasn’t working.
Below are concerns to evaluate, so that you can work on your cheating relationship to make it healthy.

Be slow and consistent
It will take time and patience to mend a cheating relationship. Be encouraging, and supportive. Questions that you ask may put the cheater on the defensive. Be aware of them, you are trying to make it better not worse!

Talk about your problems together
Rather than you vs me, approach each problem as a team. Show appreciation on a consistent basis, and don’t take things for granted in your relationship. One will not know what the other is thinking if you don’t talk your problems with each other. Be appropriate handling negative feelings, and show genuine feelings of affection.
Don’t show anger or indifference, and keep things upbeat.

Be approachable
Your partner should be able to come to you and talk freely. Be willing to listen,even if it is something difficult.
Don’t be judgmental or criticize, we are not perfect!

Appreciate the differences
In your relationship, respect your partner for who he or she is. There will always be differences in a relationship.
You can’t change anyone, only yourself. You can nurture your partner to want to make changes, then it is up to your partner!

Reassure each other
Reassure, and encourage each other about the commitment to change the relationship.
Be there for each other to help it grow, and be healthy!

There isn’t anything easy when it comes to rebuilding your relationship. You will need time, and patience, but the end results can be extremely gratifying when your relationship is running on all cylinders!

JT...juz one important mention as well...Emotional Cheating...which many of us overlook UNTIL is is glaring...lol!!

Most people don’t plan to be emotionally unfaithful.
Emotional cheating starts whey they casually chat with coworkers or people they see regularly – and it grows into more than “just friends.”
They go for lunches, take business trips, or make special efforts to see the person to whom they’re getting attached. They think about their “friend” more and more, until it becomes a definite emotional bond.
Those are signs of emotional cheating.

INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS are more popular - and a possible threat to relationships!
Emotional cheating can begin in chat rooms, forums, or discussion groups.
"Just friends" evolves into private conversations and emotional infidelity.

In infidelity over the internet, “friends” may never meet.
This means that relationships can flourish in public places like the office or in private places, like one’s own home. Bonds can grow and cheating can occur even when the coworker is at the other desk or the family is in the same room.

Anonymity is a potential problem with internet relationships and emotional infidelity.
There’s greater intimacy because people are anonymous, free to share the deepest darkest parts of themselves (parts they're reluctant to share in person).

Further, internet emotional infidelity allows people to build their own friends up into the most wonderful, kind, smart, and funny people in their minds because they haven’t met – and they certainly haven’t dealt with dirty socks, disciplining kids, or getting lost in a new city together...ha!ha!ha!
The relationship hasn't been tried or tested.
Emotional cheating becomes a slippery slope when you're involved with a mysterious, attractive stranger.

Are women more susceptible to emotional cheating?
Women are usually the ones who push the relationship further.
Women want relationships to move from friendship to love, from computer to reality.
Women tend to get more emotionally involved and are more emotionally invested than men.
Men on the other hand see the internet relationships or emotional infidelity as part of their lives – a nice part, but just one part.
Women envision soul mates or life partnerS.. men are having fun..LOL!!

Remember - this is a stereotype with regard to emotional cheating!
There are men who do become highly emotionally involved with more distant women, both over the internet and in person. Bonds and emotional infidelity aren't the sole activities of either women or men.

The common signs of Emotional Cheating include...
•Discuss your partner and relationships with your “friend.”
You share your fears, hopes, and dreams (this is emotional intimacy).
•Meet your “friend” for dinner or lunch without telling your partner.
•Keep your computer, files, and internet sites password-protected.
•Hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities.
•Keep your partner waiting while you spend time with your “friend.”
•Stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends.
Emotional cheating can spring from close relationships with past lovers.

AND TO STOP this...Instead of assuming or vowing emotional cheating will never happen to you, spend time with your partner. Have open and honest discussions about your relationship. Have fun together..the more you make your partner happy, the happier you'll be!

Vinaka JT....GOD BLESS!!

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Permalink Reply by J.Tui on August 27, 2010 at 1:09am

Wow Hellen?

Hey my friend, what a comment? this is great, I must admit I'm realy identifying a lot of what
i didn't recognized? vinaka Hellen?
We are all learning something realy constructive & benefitial towards developing & naturing
as you said a healthy relationship here.

And never assume that emotional cheating will never happen to you ?[good one Hellen]

The temptation to be caught up & trap in the emotional cheatings??? in this ever changing world? it is a reality we must be aware of, for it can definetly happen to anyone irrespective of status? & position in society.

Thats a great contribution to the matavuvale family, yes vinaka my friend.

Your quistion about, how I been keeping? been good sis, life is great, & God is being just wonderful to me.

Again Vinaka & God Bless You & The Family.

JT.

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Permalink Reply by Helen Chandra on August 27, 2010 at 6:16am

THANX again JT,

Just a final word....when it comes to INTERNET emotional cheating!!

Emotional infidelity is a stealthy form of cheating that might catch even the cheater by surprise. It typically begins with a friendship, and if your partner isn’t careful, it can turn into something more.

Most people don’t enter into a relationship with the intention of cheating. Sometimes it is a conscious decision they make, but when it comes to emotional infidelity, your partner might be in over their head before they realize what is happening to them.

The bond between “just friends” grows and grows until that person becomes more important than their partner, and that’s when emotional infidelity begins.

Emotional infidelity is facilitated by the internet.
You’ve heard of people who “fell in love” over the internet. Did you believe their stories?
The anonymity of the internet allows people to share their deepest, darkest secrets with someone else, without the mess entanglements of a physical affair.

But gradually, the need for that online companionship can grow stronger.
They start to wonder about the person they are chatting with, and they begin to learn more about them. They start to move from a “virtual” relationship to a “real world” one – one that involves emotional investment.
They might even make the leap to phone calls and relish the sound of the other person’s voice.

This is emotional infidelity in the making.
If your partner feels it necessary to lie about their internet activity, or holds a virtual friend a little too close to their heart, it’s cause for concern.
The deeper they fall into their online world, the more they separate from their “real life” emotional partner.

You are the one who feels the brunt of their rejection!

Some signs include....

Your partner spends more and more time on the internet, and keeps those activities as secret as possible.
Your partner spends more time with their “friend” than they do with you.
They spend time with someone else, but neglect to tell you about it.
When you ask about their activities with someone else, they get defensive and point out..We aren’t having an affair. I’ve never touched them! How could it be an affair?.....ha!ha!ha!

That is the easiest way that an emotional infidelity is allowed to continue.
Stop it in its tracks by pointing out that infidelity is not just physical!
You can have an affair with someone you have never even met in the flesh.

Knowing the signs, and being ready to confront your partner about their emotional affair,
can nip it ALL in the bud.

WISHIN you, yours & yr beautifl family a blessed, awesome weekend!!!
VINAKA VAKALEVU.

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Permalink Reply by J.Tui on August 27, 2010 at 3:16pm

Hellen,

Vinaka vakalevu.
Yes we all can learn something from here, by you just exposing as it is, in the internet........like sometimes our partner would yell out "you are spending a lot of time with that computer? or you must be married to that internet? but hey, its an emotional cheating is underway, eh, boy thats great comments, vinaka.

How could it be an affair? yes, but now we can see, good on you mate, this is realy a great help to the familys of Matavuvale, to safe-guard this decietful behaviour that is design by satan himself to destroy our homes & familys.

You have a great weeekend you & yours too.
God Bless.

JT.

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Permalink Reply by J.Tui on August 27, 2010 at 3:44pm

Hellen,

Just keeping coming my friend, your input is very rewarding indeed.

Be Bless & remain Bless.

JT.

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Permalink Reply by Helen Chandra on August 29, 2010 at 11:15am

MANY THANX JT!

There are also predatory women out there who are equally skilled at obtaining what they want from men by using their natural abilities in the most seductive way.
There are also occasions when desire not lust is overwhelming as the sexual drive is one of the most powerful and primordial forces on earth.

"Cheating" is a modern adjective which implies not playing by the "rules" and as such only takes the rules into account.
There is always an underlying reason for it and from the man's point of view this is rarely to intentionally cause their partner harm.
The fact that they do is only because society has stuck its head in the sand and imposed expectations beyond what a large proportion of men can tolerate or abide by.
It is a little like the subject of prostitution, it is there, it happens, it will always happen to a proportion of people or relationships.
If it cannot be condoned then it should be dealt with realistically and with a degree of understanding regardless of which partner it is.

Being cheated on by a person you love and trust is incredibly hurtful. When you are cheated on it impacts the core of how you interact with people.

Infidelity makes raw nerves of things like trust, self respect, self worth and ego identity. People who have been cheated on often have difficulty trusting again. They either avoid relationships altogether or become detached serial-daters. People who have been cheated on are afraid of being hurt again.

In a strange twist many people who have been cheated on cling to the person who has betrayed them.
It is a devil-you-know mentality. People who have been cheated on feel that they could never trust a new person so they are better off staying with somebody they know and hoping that person will change. The change they hope for rarely comes.

Best Wishes!!!
HC

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Permalink Reply by Helen Chandra on August 29, 2010 at 11:48am

LOL!!...Jack The Ripper cheaters who have 2 separate lives and carry out long term affairs which unless you get a confession, you'll probably never find out, because he is cunning and leaves few clues. he built a respectable reputation amongst his peers so even when he is caught, they support him and can't believe he would do such a thing because he couldn't hurt a fly.

Convenience cheaters who sleep with co-workers and maybe do it at work during break time.

Rebellious bitter cheaters who cheat because their paranoid and insecure s.o. is constantly accusing him of cheating and trying to find evidence so he can't take it anymore and proves her right because he has had it and don't want to be with her anymore and wants her to break up with him by catching him in the act.

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Permalink Reply by J.Tui on August 29, 2010 at 5:47pm

Helen,

Very true mate? he he, Jack The Ripper Cheater! [ lol ]
A lot are happening at work, right across the board, world wide.

The sad thing is when you open yourself to these life/style, you have open yourself to an emotional lust, that tends to get the best of you, & always repeat itself in every opportunity that come your way, until you are exposed or caught out.

Vinaka HC,

JT.

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Permalink Reply by J.Tui on August 27, 2010 at 3:33pm

GreenRiver,

Thanks lady for the comment, i am only sorry that you have to endure a sour & hurtful experiences, in the past, however reading your stories, you have help others identifys the behaviours of a CHEATER, through it they might be able to stop it early, or nip them in the bud, before lifes is totally destroyed by these individuals.

I KNOW YOU HAVE A LOT OF HURTS.......AS THIS ARE HURTFUL EXPERIENCE & I FEEL FOR YOU.

GreenRiver...... never look back, theres someone sincere is waiting for you somewhere, will some day comes you way.
Build on your positive, whats done is done, its time to just pick-up the pieces & move on, never look back, your photo indicates,[a pretty lady?] you won't be waiting long? you know what? take your time?

FOR CHEATERS, REMEMBER ......... "WHAT WE SOW, THATS ALSO WE SHALL REAP" or "WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND"

Remeber that old song by Ray Charles "YOUR CHEATING HEART IS GONNA TELL ON YOU"

Loloma God Bless.

JT.

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Permalink Reply by Motoka. on August 27, 2010 at 10:06pm

lol.......as for your ''totogi!'',I will leave it for another day!hehehe.........@GreenRiver.

You had a story of your own that really had my heart felt for you.No one deserved to be treated like what you went through and I could feel the despair and your hurt.
If you can tell your story again would be wonderful because everybody learns from each other.I have a daughter and your story caught my attention and made me think harder for her.In a way you had added awareness or had informed me of things that she should be aware of.

And so.........tell us you wonderful accounts of what you went through and I will delete my one.....DEAL????? Say Yes...lol...!!

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Permalink Reply by J.Tui on August 27, 2010 at 10:51pm

Motoka,

Ni bula baraca?
I love your comments? isa, we are helping our people & others, who share their life story like GreenR, first it helps them, as they shared [releasing the hurts?] & are adviced by people like you & Helen, & others
who have experiences this crises & have learn powerful lesson through it, just great.

Vinaka Motoka.

Ia mo siviti tikoga baraca.

JT.